Birthday Cake Bird Birth | No Laugh Newsroom


– [Announcer] From West
Hollywood, California, the only news team that doesn’t know what’s on the teleprompter
before they read it. Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. This is Breaking News. – Hello and welcome to the Breaking News, The show where we have no
idea what we’re about to say and aren’t allowed to smile or laugh. I’m Finna Getit. – And I’m Bette Menforever. Starting out with a little fun, we’re getting reports of an armed robbery at the La Puente Pic ‘N’ Save. None were spared. – That is fun. On tonight’s show: Teens. – What the latest teen craze
could say about your parenting. – We’ll also cover a recipe
from my personal collection. – And get some answers on why everyone’s mad at Buster Keaton. – Spoiler alert, he looks
wet and that’s hard to trust. – All that and more (laughs) – Keep it together. – All that and more spilling out of my little shrimp rocket in just a minute. – But first, let’s pop,
lock and drop on over to the weather, which
due to our budget cuts, will be handled by our
very own Bette Menforever. Bette? – That’s me. (laughs) A cold is gonna take you. It’s going to hold you down for eternity. I’m talking of course, about death. Back to you, Finna. – Thank you. That was honest and fair. Back to you. – And right back to you. – Thank you. Our top story for tonight: A bird gave birth on a child’s birthday cake in MacArthur Park. Was it kismet? – Here’s Gale Gobble on the scene. – Thanks Bette. I’m here (groans loudly) Thanks, Bette. I’m here with my dick in
my hand in MacArthur Park. Witnesses reported a normal birthday, people by a lake holding red SOLO cups, and at least one person
with a backwards hat. Moments later, a thick-ass bird blew her load all over the place. – Heartwarming. – Indeed. And now one question
is on everyone’s mind: Did you fart, or did I need dental work? Oh my, only time will tell. I’m Gale Gobble. Gobble, gobble, gobblin’ up that pussy. Back to you. (laughs) – Well, you turd it (laughs) Well, you turd it fear cursed. We turn our attention over to the newest teen craze: crowning. All you need is your head
and a flexible friend. – I’m sorry to interrupt, Bette, but we’re getting some breaking news here. With that is our
correspondent, Amy Schumer. – I feel pretty. – Never interrupt me again. I’m back again. Back for more. I’m a greedy little booty
gargoyle, beauty carbroyle. Carl Sr. is my father,
but enough about me. Ben Affleck is rolling out a clothing line for pear-shaped men, but will it last? – I certainly hope not. The pear apparel. This pear apparel apparently pairs flared wear with luxury pricing, and that really fucks my nuts. How about you, Finna? – Hell yeah, this whole
thing sticks in my craw and it’s not just a sticky
little crumb like last time. – I’m in the same boat and I
just pulled into Ellis Island. – We leave you now with our final segment: Cooking on a Dime. Put a
thumb-sized piece of dough on your favorite ten-cent coin. And a saucy pepperoni
and bake for minutes. – That’s all the time we have. From Breaking News, I’m Bette Menforever. – And I’m Finna Getit. Before we go, we have some personal news. We’re very proud to announce this week’s Employee of
the Week. It’s Grant. – I’m pretty comfortable with that. (clapping) I think that makes a lot of sense. I feel like there’s some things
we’re ignoring, but great. Thanks so much for watching.

100 comments

  1. The whole video is funny, but I didn't laugh until Katie said "and bake for minutes" 😂😂😂 How many minutes? 🤣

  2. I could totally do it. I can usually control my emotions pretty well. My son's best friend says he knows now where my son gets his superb acting skills from showing me a Try Not to Laugh video. I've successfully pranked many people by telling them ridiculous things without cracking a smile. It's backfired when I've told them true things that are pretty important and they don't believe me since I don't smile either way, but I regret nothing. My secret is usually to tell myself it's dumb instead of funny, but with this I'd read the words and deliberately not comprehend what they're saying.

  3. Damn! Mad respect to Katie for holding it together, and getting it back under control after breaking once. I thought for sure once she broke it would all come rolling out.

  4. So far Katie is in 2 episodes of Breaking News season 2 on Dropout and she hasn’t laughed ONCE. I have reason to believe Katie is an Android

  5. I wish I found this as funny as Grant.

    Man he sucks at this game.

    It's so much less funny when they're laughing the whole time.

    I could deliver this completely dead pan.

  6. It's no surprise that Katie won. Considering what she normally has to say in the skits without laughing, this must've been a cakewalk.

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