Civ 6: Weather Report


[News Introduction Theme] Kyle: Breaking new: After what feels like hundreds of years, the Panama Canal is finally nearing completion. Kyle: That’s all that really matters, but first, here’s Alan Violence with your weekly forecast – Al… Al: It’s hot. Kyle: Thanks Al. The Panama Canal will not only be a giant water trench named after a place that doesn’t exist, It will also be the final piece in an aquatic superhighway that will allow seafaring vessels to pass directly through the mainland – [ Weather Emergency Alert Siren ] Kyle: What could possib – [ Weather Emergency Alert Siren ] name of all that is ho – [ Weather Emergency Alert Siren ] [ Transition Theme ] Al: Sorry for the interruption, but we have an incoming weather emergency. Al: The biggest and so far only hurricane the world has ever seen has just been spotted off the west coast. Al: We’ll keep you updated as this storm develops. Kyle: Which coast? Al: The west coast. Kyle: The empty coast… Al: Well it’s – Kyle: Entirely uninhabited. Al: Yes. Kyle: No one is there. Al: That is correct. Kyle: Then why are we talking about it? Al: Well, it could hit something eventually . Kyle: Well when it does we’ll care. Kyle – Hey, nope, don’t cut. Stay on me. Kyle: The construction of the great canal has been highly anticipated by every country in the world not run by hippies – looking at you Kupe. Kyle: Although some have raised concerns over the motivations of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of Boats… who contributed a significant amount of the project’s funding, Kyle: most of the ten people we interviewed said that they had greater concerns over the environmental impact of the project… who wrote this? [Transition Theme] Al: We have another catastrophic weather update. Fifteen entirely different rivers have flooded at the exact same time. This is potentially terrible news for the entire planet. Kyle: Are any of them here? Al: They’re all over the place. Kyle: But are any of them here? Al: They’re in Sweden, Phoenicia. Venice is gone. Kyle: None of those places are here. Al: Do you understand how concerning this is? Kyle: Literally happens all the time – except for here. Al: This is evidence of major climate issue. Kyle: Could be, could be – but let me ask you this – are any of them here? Al: Not yet… but… Kyle: Breaking news – everything’s fine. Kyle: The construction process has been long and difficult – stopping and starting numerous times since the canal was first announced. In an official statement, the governor claimed that it should only take another three “turns” – a unit of time that has yet to be deciphered by local scholars. Al: We have a severe weather alert. Recent reports show that the coastline is rapidly disappearing under rising sea levels. Kyle: Okay, seriously – Al, you’re being kind of obsessive. Al: This is so much more important than your canal. Kyle: Nothing is more important than the canal! Al: We are looking at apocalyptic conditions! CO2 levels are rising. Polar ice caps are melting. Al: It used to rain for four hundred years at a time and now, the weather changes every few days. Isn’t that concerning? Kyle: Our economy is great. We have like five dams and none of this is happening anywhere close to here – so no. No, it’s not. Al: The coastline thing – that’s happening here. In like two “turns”, the part of the canal you’re talking about – it’ll just be water. Kyle: Terrible news everyone – the great canal is in danger of never being completed. Kyle: Due to rising carbon emissions and neglectful weather reporters, the soil severing super stream maybe as flooded as Venice before the Panama portion can finally be appended. Kyle: It is truly a dark day in the history of whatever country this is. In our rush for progress, we doomed ourselves to an early and watery grave and in our final moments, we are cursed with the self-awareness that could have saved us so long ago. Kyle: We should have started the canal earlier. Why did we spend so much time on parks? [Transition Theme] Al: Sorry to interrupt such a stirring speech, but we have breaking news out of Mali. Al: It seems that they’re adopting new green initiatives that could postpone our inevitable demise. Kyle: So the problem is solved? Al: No, we just bought some time to try and reverse the damage before we all die – Kyle: Alright everyone – let’s break this continent in half. [Subtitles by Joshua Warnasch] [Living forever by JP] Kyle: Hi, Kyle voice here. If you enjoy our Civ videos, you might also enjoy our fake religion t-shirts, fake political protest buttons, or the official Book of Boat notebook. Kyle: All available on either Teespring or DFTBA.com. Links are in the description – and thanks for watching. [Living forever by JP]

100 comments

  1. They don't like to be called boat mormons these days. They request that people refer to them as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of Boats. https://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/church-name-alignment

  2. As someone who works in environmental sciences and deals with this stuff every day… it feels bad, man

  3. It's sad how they turned Civilization into flat out climate-change propaganda. I mean, that's just not how climate change works.

  4. Finally a civ video!!!! Also the civ 6 world map is so god dam ugly its like they went back to civ3 for it.

  5. Can we have boat Mormons take over the world??? Or create a new religion. Pirosirenism where we worship the lava mermaids, but it’s an add on religion where you don’t have to reject your old faith.

  6. I seen a achievement called hello Cleveland! and I'm really confused by it, so I'm trying to find a video how to get it

  7. To show you the power of the <papers rustling> uhh, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints of Boats, we sawed this continent in half!

  8. I've never played a Civ game but this has to be one of the best Door Monster videos so far, holy shit.. too close to home

  9. Everybody voted to embargo all city-states, dooming Venice to their radioactive grave, meaning that when the International Community finally tackled down Gandhi, Venice got its revenge by releasing crabs, causing drastic climate change, meaning that the Panama Canal could never be finished. However, Mali managed to avert the crisis, meaning that Venice wouldn't get their revenge. Also, Venice is the last holdout of Boat Mormonism, so their entire Civ is surviving on boats.

  10. All this talk about the 'Boats' when the people really need to hear the glad tidings from the 'Ascribed Agency to the Polyhedral'

  11. I’m Gonna buy the we demand whales because the video where it was show cased I found it extremely funny (and it’s not that expensive)

  12. The Rising Storm has some interesting elements, but most are just annoying.
    I mean I had like a SINGLE coal plant in my entire Empire, yet I was somehow producing so much CO2 I almost single-handedly ruined the planet.
    The only weather-related thing I like are volcanos, the concept of knowing where a disaster MIGHT occur, countered by higher-yields allow for more strategy
    Most of the rest feels like it adds nothing but randomness to the game

  13. Honestly, we wouldn't care about climate change if it was about to inconvenient us directly in a more tangible way then it already is

  14. "This just in: Global Warming is over because Mansa Musa has bought the planet with the change in his pocket. The whole planet. It's his now."

  15. I feel like the caster can really represent the whole world, ignoring global warming until it actually starts to hurt ourselves.

  16. “Nothing is more important than the canal.” XD “Alright everyone let’s break this continent in half.” XD

  17. Boat mormons have nothing on "Kratos is life" religion. Basically your pray an live for war pretty much modern day America.

  18. You could have just changed the title to "weather report" and this would be even more true

  19. Gotta love those people in the comments who think that a comedy sketch made by youtubers should be convincing everyone irl that climate change is both a problem and within our power to solve.

    Ah humans, so arrogant and self-important. Learn your own insignificance.

  20. I'm not sure how I feel about the name of my church being used as a running joke in this series… They aren't saying anything bad about us exactly, so I'm not sure how to react… ?
    While door monster is obviously making a harmless joke, these people in the comments are very rabid towards something they know nothing about, even for the internet.

  21. Why did the alert have to be so painfully painfully loud, even the emergency systems aren't that damn loud…

  22. BREAKING NEWS THE EARTH IS CRUMBLING AND HOT STUFF IS FALLING FROM THE SKIES! Other Reporter: Is this within 5 tiles of our City?
    THE TRIBAL VILLAGE YOU HAVEN'T DISCOVERED IS BURNING WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE GUY THAT HAS TO HOLD THE POINTY STICK!
    Stick Point Gone! Fire Hurt. Woman Cry. Metal Box moved right. Green plants hate us!
    Other Reporter: Breaking news – homeless person sacrificed to appease Green Plants. In other news, the Religion of Jury Rigging has overthrown the religion of Crab People.

  23. I know the video is old, but I just noticed: is it just me, or does it feel intentional that the weather guy that presses on environmental issues is named Al?
    (Making a reference to Al Gore)

  24. I agree. It's like someone that isnt sid Meier highjacked the series and made everything intentionally annoying. I play games to escape from the reality of climate change that I as a normal person have absolutely no control over. Thanx for pointing out how NOT to do a fun expansion.

  25. Sounds almost like modern-day liberals. There never were hurricanes there never was climate change and there never was CO2 omissions and nope. never was anything until modern times

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