Hello and welcome back
to the channel.
I wanna talk about something
that’s been bugging me
for quite a bit of time now.
I have a pretty bad shopping addiction,
problem, whatever you wanna call it.
And it needs to stop,
starting today or even yesterday
and the day before that.
Fun fact is I attempted a low-buy/no-buy
before even making this video
to which I have failed three times.
But, this time, we’re getting serious
about it for November 1 and onward.
But a little bit of a backstory
as to how I got this way.
But before we get into that,
if you have not yet subscribed,
please do so and click on
that notification bell,
so you don’t miss out on any videos,
especially if you want
to come with me on this journey
of a low/no-buy shopping problem thing.
Also, consider pledging on Patreon
if you are someone who likes
to support creators and their work.
And all of those dollars will go
into an actual business instead of junk.
And life things and not junk.
So, the good news is
I know where this comes from.
I know why I do or have always done
what I’ve done,
and that’s because of abuse and neglect.
So, like, as a kid, I never felt loved.
Instead of feeling loved,
I was being hit or sworn at, insulted, etc, etc.
So, I didn’t have loving mummy
to give me hugs and stuff like that.
And, well, my dad wasn’t bad,
and he isn’t bad.
But, with him being gone so often,
it was just – I felt alone.
And I was stuck with the former stuff.
So, I just wanted things,
especially once I started being able
to have an allowance
and, then, once I started
making income elsewhere,
birthday money, but also with jobs,
like with YouTube
and Patreon and Twitch and whatever.
Whatever I would get,
I just wanted to spend, spend, spend.
The good thing is that a lot of it
is stuff that I will use
for business purposes
like YouTube videos.
Or it goes into my Twitch stream.
Uniforms, like clothes – yeah,
I wear clothes.
I don’t need an excessive amount
considering I never leave my apartment
except to run errands.
And I’m not 20 anymore.
When I started – when I finally
got my driver’s licence at 20,
I was getting ready every single day
and going to the bookstore
in fancy outfits and things like that.
But I don’t even do that anymore.
I haven’t done that for years,
but I would still keep buying new things
to fill in a void
that needed to be filled.
But a lot of the time, it’s just junk.
I can use that for a business,
looking presentable on camera.
And before somebody comes in
and says, “You don’t need makeup,”
I realise I’m not gonna die without it,
but, for me, it’s something that I like,
and I like to look presentable
in my definition of presentable
to the camera.
But your girl does not need
five new lipsticks, right?
And, with shirts,
I don’t need so many shirts.
But I would keep buying them.
I also had this thing
where I couldn’t figure out
what my actual style was,
so my style was constantly changing.
And then, I wanted to try
to figure what that is,
and you know what the other thing
I had horrible problems with?
And you’ll probably recognise this.
The Pikachu and Eevee plushies.
I grew up with Pokemon.
I still love Pokemon dearly.
And I have no regrets for having
a couple of things around my room
because I love it so much,
and it means so much to me.
But, Lord have mercy,
I do not need ten of the same Pikachu
in the same position
with the same facial expression.
But every time I would
go by Walmart or Target,
and the little Pokemon aisle,
I would see what new kind came out.
I was like, “Mine.” Instant.
And what was happening when I would
keep buying all of this stuff,
whether I really needed it
or had use out of it or not,
it just kept piling up around me.
I have a fairly small room.
And because my room is small,
and there’s so much stuff around my room,
and I’ve been decluttering, OK.
But there’s still so much.
I have stuff behind my couch now
and on a dining table
that needs to get cleared out,
but I’m trying to get
my room cleared out before –
so I can take all that stuff that’s downstairs
and bring it upstairs.
And I was doing pretty well
I was always decluttering
for the past two years.
You might have heard me be like,
“I’ve decluttered this,
and I’m decluttering that.”
But what would happen,
at the end of the day,
it would end up still looking
the same as before
because I would go back out
and buy more things,
which defeated the purpose
of decluttering in the first place.
I mean, yeah, great,
I took stuff out so, that way,
when the new stuff came in,
it wasn’t two times more that.
But what was the point of decluttering
if I was just going to
fill the room back with stuff
and stuff that I don’t use?
I have so many buttons
and keychains that are still on –
this is a Sailor Moon pendant,
which, actually, I have a jacket,
a handmade, painted jacket
that’s Sailor Moon,
so I’m gonna put this on my jacket.
I just need to actually do that.
So, this isn’t gonna be
a complete, total waste.
But I have – I’m trying to –
I have a lot of traveller’s notebooks
I was huge into Decoden for a while,
which, if you don’t know what that is,
it’s these cute, little cases that have –
what’s it called? Resin, resin?
And these cute, little designs,
and this is for the Samsung Note8,
and it’s falling apart, wow.
And I was just obsessed
seeing it on Instagram all the time,
but this is so impractical.
It’s so cute, and it’s my custom-made one,
but it’s so impractical.
And I bought Decoden key chains,
which are a little more practical,
’cause then I could just put them
on bags and stuff.
But I still have some lying around
who knows where
because I can’t fight it
because I have this irritating problem.
It’s so weird because I have this problem,
and then, a couple of years ago,
I actually made a whole
decluttering/living light series
because I was inspired by
Living Light by Coco.
And I was so good for a few years.
I quit doing makeup on YouTube,
so I really didn’t need to buy more makeup.
So, I maybe buy one lipstick
every few months or something.
I really didn’t buy
eyeshadow palettes anymore.
And clothes, I just –
I was really good about
just not swiping that card, right?
And then, something happened
in the last year
where all that work that I did
just kind of…
And now I’m trying to work to that
all over again.
Thankfully, I have a therapist again,
so I’m gonna start bringing that up.
I recognise that I have a problem.
I know where it comes from.
I just need to stop doing that thing
where I have sentimental feelings
over every random thing
and just do away with it.
Give it away to somebody else. Sell it.
I’ve been doing that a lot.
I have a Poshmark closet.
I’ll link it down below
in case you’re interested.
It’s mostly bags,
because I have a huge bag problem.
Yet again, that was one of my kryptonites.
Lipsticks and bags.
And, yeah, I started buying
eyeshadow palettes again, and lipsticks.
I have half of ColourPop’s catalogue.
I bought the rainbow palette, for what?
I rarely wear colour anymore.
And if I wear colour,
it’s mostly on the neutral line of colour.
And, yeah, I bought that palette
’cause I was like,
“Oh, what if I feel like doing
colourful makeup for fucking pride?”
Pride’s once a year.
Twice, if you go to Asheville
and the Charlotte one.
What’s the point?
What am I doing?
I’m just trying to temporarily fix a problem,
which, really, only lasts
about five seconds
instead of trying to focus on
what matters more like, let’s see, travel,
because I’m in a long-distance relationship.
And the $100 that I just swiped
and spent frivolously,
that’s about one day of a hotel.
That $100 that I spent frivolously,
swiped my card,
and didn’t give a care in the world about,
that could go towards
a fraction of the rent cost
for, like, say, I move up to New Jersey
to go live with my boyfriend.
But instead, I’m spending it
on whatever junk I can find.
And it needs to stop,
and that’s why, starting here,
November 1, I am going on a 100% no-buy.
And I need to effing stick to it.
I need to watch so much Samantha Ravndahl,
which, when I watched her last month,
I failed three times.
But I’m gonna watch again
and again and again.
And there is another Canadian YouTuber
I was watching
who also inspired me to do this.
I forget her name.
I’m gonna have it somewhere around here.
But those two have started their journeys.
And I think that’s just what I need
to keep watching.
Like, I keep watching these minimalist people,
but I feel like I can’t relate too much
with their journey
because they’ve already been there,
done it, whatever.
Or they’ve always been really good at this.
But I wanna be with people
who understand what I’m going through –
At least, currently understand
what I’m going through.
Does that make sense?
But, yeah, nothing, nada, keine.
The good news is I’ve already bought
my jeans that I need for the fall.
All my jeans that fit me are distressed.
They’re not good for fall and winter,
so I needed one or two pairs of jeans
that fit me well and don’t have holes in them.
So, I can wear them
during the colder months and not shiver.
I’m still probably gonna shiver
’cause I hate the cold,
and I’m just easily like, “Ah!”
But, at least they don’t have
a big hole this big at my leg, right?
And sweaters, I’ve got that down. I’m done.
I don’t need more clothes.
I don’t need more T-shirts, OK.
I don’t. I’m not going out enough to justify this.
And, really, even if I did go out often,
I have a whole closet full of stuff.
I don’t need more.
The only things I am allowed to buy
are, one, food,
I also have a food problem
where I’m just buying, buying,
getting takeout all the time
instead of meal-prepping.
Now, there are exceptions to this.
Hi, I am disabled, if you didn’t know,
so I deal with chronic pain
and fatigue a lot.
So, yeah, if I’m going through
one of those episodes,
and I need something now,
I’m gonna get something now.
But I can do burrito bowls
fairly easily in a microwave.
“I’m done with the makeup,” I say,
as there’s a Sephora order coming in,
one of which is an actual
replacement of things,
which, that’s a thing.
Unless something needs actual replacing
like an old or empty, expiring mascara,
you get the gist, no makeup.
I don’t need new notebooks.
I don’t need new planners.
I don’t need Pikachu plushies.
I need therapy and a goal towards life
and not things.
I’m still getting my manicures
because that is a self-care moment
and a relaxation moment.
Oh, and coffee.
I will allow myself a coffee
every once in a while.
It’s $2, but other than that, no.
I can say that I never had a problem
paying my bills.
My taxes are paid.
Everything that I need to pay for
in terms of bills is paid off.
So, it’s not like I’m behind on bills,
and Collections is gonna come over,
So, I was still responsible with that stuff.
I was just irresponsible
with everything else after that.
And then, come January 1,
maybe I’ll go on a low-buy.
But, really, I feel like,
way down in there, in my heart
and way back there in my brain,
I really don’t even wanna do
much of a low-buy.
There’s probably a part of me that wants to.
But if I could just focus
my way of thinking, yeah.
But if I were to go and do anything
for a low-buy,
buy anything during a low-buy,
there has to be an out and in sort of thing.
Before anything can come in,
something needs to go out.
And I would really rather,
I need to thrift it first –
attempt to thrift it,
because we have a fast-fashion problem.
And thrifting is better.
But thrifting is not better
if you don’t need clothes.
What’s the point?
You’re just filling up your closet
for nothing, right?
So, yeah, I look around,
and I see this mess of stuff.
And it’s overwhelming,
and I need to clean it out.
And that’s another thing.
What happened with abuse
that really still sticks with me
and gets in my head and bothers me
is that if I didn’t clean my room,
if there was so much stuff,
and I needed to clean it,
I would get screamed at for cleaning it.
And then, I would be afraid,
and I would try and clean it.
But the second I would start
pulling out bags,
I would get screamed at for cleaning.
There were claims
that I would be making a mess
and just, da, da, da –
like, all these weird excuses.
So, then I wouldn’t clean.
And there was this back and forth cycle of,
“Why aren’t you cleaning?”
And then, “Why are you cleaning?
You’re just gonna ruin it.
You’re just gonna make a mess.
Stop doing this,” and back and forth.
So, that’s one big reason
why I always struggle
to actually keep things in order,
and just let everything pile up.
And I hate that,
and I need to get away from that.
My therapist, please help me.
So, yeah, there is my struggle.
And I wanna come back
with update videos, I guess.
I think that would help
keep me accountable
rather than me trying to secretly do it
on my own.
And I don’t wanna say this on video
and then never talk about it again,
and then slip up,
and then, just be secretly behind-the-scenes
still stuff, stuff, stuff.
Will there be a chance that I fail,
and I buy something,
and my brain gets the best of me?
Possibly, and I’m gonna try
and not to completely beat myself up over it
’cause this is 28 years
that I’m trying to undo.
But I am – if that happens,
I tell myself, “No, don’t do it again.
Unless it’s something that you absolutely
need to replace or whatever,
don’t do it again.
Save that money for your plane tickets.
Save that money for your future.
Save for whatever that’s important.”
So, let me know if this is something
that you struggle with.
I’m sure there are many people out there
’cause there’s two, at least,
already, people that I watch
that are struggling.
If you know of any other YouTubers
or bloggers, even,
’cause I do like to read blogs,
that are dealing with this type of thing,
that are currently dealing with
this type of thing,
leave them down in the comments.
I wanna… I need that inspiration,
that motivation, that discipline.
Well, only I can provide the discipline,
but reading and watching others
who are going through it helps.
If you would like to help translate this video,
I will have a translation link down below
in the description box.
Always really helps me out.
Thank you for taking the time
out of your day to watch this video.
Don’t forget to give it a thumbs up.
Share it with your friends,
and I will see you later.