The Apprentice: Meet the Candidates 2018 – BBC


Yes, it is that time of year again.
The Apprentice is back
and Lord Sugar has lined up
16 candidates all vying to become
his business partner.
And, once again, I’ve managed to get
hold of their audition tapes
to create my own
alternative interviews. This…
SCOOTER CLATTERS
..is Meet The Candidates.
Sarah Ann, talk to me
about your special skills.
I can down a pint in 4.5 seconds.
Impressive. My PB is 7.6 seconds,
or just over 11 seconds
if it’s a pint of custard.
Now, one thing we are looking
for this year is a way to
spice up The Apprentice theme tune.
Any ideas?
SHE GURGLES THEME TUNE –
‘DANCE OF THE KNIGHTS’
I did not think that we could
improve upon perfection,
and yet here we are.
Cancel the orchestra!
Shall we duet?
HE GURGLES ‘DANCE OF THE KNIGHTS’
SHE CONTINUES
Kayode, I understand you’re
something of a freestyle rapper,
which makes two of us.
Are you competitive?
I’m very competitive.
That’s not even a question.
Technically, it is.
Anyway, I suggest a rap battle.
You start.
# This is a freestyle
for Apprentice
# It looks like you have
an excellent dentist
# I gotta get serious
cos you know that I meant this
# I’m gonna take you down
like a preying mantis
# I’m here talking on camera
# But for how long?
Have you got the stamina?
# She’s asking the questions
but now I’ve got to answer
# I’m not a she,
you got the wrong gender
# This is a wide-angle camera,
freestyle’s over. #
Woo! Mic drop!
That was very, very tough to call,
but I think you just pipped me
to the post there, didn’t you?
All right, I’m second, you’re first.
Second place is just
the first loser.
All right, mate,
kick a guy when he’s down.
OK, Sarah, welcome. Anything that
I need to know about you?
I talk really loud.
And especially when I’m excited!
It just gets louder and louder
and louder.
Yeah, I am a straight talker.
I won’t beat around the bush.
If I have a problem with you,
I’m going to tell you.
You don’t need to be… You just
need to be straight with someone,
because the problem’s solved
quicker.
Thanks so much for coming in.
David, tell me about yourself.
By day, I’m a tax advisor.
By night, I am a mobile DJ.
That does explain
why you look so tired.
So, David, tell me,
what makes you a great DJ?
I make parties happen.
This one is already buzzing.
All right, hit me with a bit
of your DJ banter.
Let’s do this. It’s Saturday night,
it’s time to get this party started!
Here is Bruno Mars.
Now, David, some people might
say that that intro was flat,
dreary and uninspiring, but…
BRUNO MARS: # Lucky for you that’s
what I like, that’s what I like
# Lucky for you
that’s what I like. #
..you can stay.
Khadija, what are you saying?
My phrase and motto is #YOLO.
Tell me about it –
you only live once.
Pretty deep.
That is why I got the T-shirt.
Although, apparently it’s a bit
outdated now.
Like Drake did that in,
like, 2005. Whatever.
Oh, really? That’s a shame.
Have you got an equally snappy
and more up-to-date motto
that you live your life by?
Live your life how others
can’t… how others won’t
to have the life that others can’t.
Catchy.
Frank, tell me about why
you’re here.
I’m in this process to win.
I’m not in here to look like a fool.
Oh, finally. Someone who’s taking
this seriously, thank you!
What would you like to tell me about
your business credentials?
I smell like success!
OK. I was expecting something
a little bit more serious,
little bit more businessy.
I mean, you only get one shot at
these interviews, so just be warned,
the next thing that comes out
of your mouth does need to tell me
that you’re a serious candidate.
# But if we all stand up
in the name of love… #
You’re in!
All right, Sian, what’s your idea?
So, my idea for Lord Sugar is to
expand my current fashion label.
Which is?
Luxury swimwear that I already do.
Oh, sounds good.
Have you thought about trying to
get any celebrity endorsements?
Kate Wright wore one,
I think she were in Marbella
and it just went absolutely wild.
Well, prepare for your sales to
sky-rocket once the public get
an eyeful of THIS.
Smashed it.
Thank me later.
Daniel, tell me something
endearing about yourself.
The most I’ve spent on a night out,
combined with me and my friends,
is 30,000 US dollars.
Wow, that is a lot of lemonade.
Although, I think you’ve
misunderstood the question.
I’m looking for something
endearing about yourself.
For example, you know,
what’s most important to you?
Drinking the nicest champagne,
drinking the nicest wine,
going to the nicest restaurants,
driving the nicest cars –
it’s all important to me.
Mm-hm.
I remember one of the nights we had
about 30,000 US dollars behind
the bar. The sparklers coming to
the table all night was brilliant.
Behind the sparklers,
obviously you get loads of girls
and it’s awesome.
But the minute the bottle runs out,
the girls disappear, as well.
Ah, ah, ah!
So the moral of the story is that
money can’t buy you happiness.
So, the moral of the story –
keep buying bottles.
I feel like I’m going to cry.
You’d rather cry in a Ferrari
than cry in a Ford.
OK, Jasmine, tell me about yourself.
I’m not somebody who runs away
with my emotions.
I will always favour logic.
I like the sound of that – someone
logical who bases their actions
on cold, hard facts.
Tell me a fact I don’t know.
There’s a pussycat in everybody
that just wants to be stroked.
Don’t be ridiculous.
It’s not pretty when it happens.
I’ve got absolutely no idea
what you’re talking about.
OK, Tom, how would you
describe yourself?
I think that I’m a very fair person.
So I think that’s why I’ve got
such a good team around me
at a young age
and older people trust me,
because I’m fair.
OK, so you’re fair. Anything else?
I think that I’m a very fair person
and I think that if someone
isn’t being efficient, if someone
isn’t working their hardest,
they’re going to know about it.
Got it!
You’re fair. Already written
that one down. That’s good.
Anything more interesting
about yourself?
When I was a kid,
I was quite bad, to be fair.
OK.
Well, you didn’t need to add the bit
about being fair at the end there,
did you? Because I have already
got that bit down.
So, you were a naughty kid?
It really wasn’t a good idea,
to be fair.
Fair enough. Next!
Sabrina, tell me about yourself.
I’m uber, uber competitive.
I absolutely thrive to be
the absolute best in the room.
Oh, yeah? In that case,
I challenge you to a competition.
Let’s see who can move their hands
the most during just
a normal conversation.
I’ll start.
Erm, tell ME about YOUR business.
So I’ve always grown up
being a tennis player.
After school, I’d go play tennis.
Before school, I’d go play tennis.
Tell me more.
I then started coaching tennis and
found there was a gap in the market.
Hmm, sounds very lucrative.
Now operating on ten different
venues and it’s really,
really exciting
and growing very, very fast.
It was a close call,
but I think I just about…win.
Nice, smiley Sabrina will
turn into dragon-like Sabrina
if things don’t go 100%.
In that case, you win.
So, Kurran, what are you hoping
to achieve with your life?
I’m pursuing an acting career.
That’s a passion of mine
and it’s what I know
I can be the best at.
Oh, you’re confident you
could be the best actor?
Move over, Robert de Niro.
All right, let’s test
that range of yours.
Could you give me a hipster
spouting absolute gibberish?
My motto for life –
vibes speak louder than words.
Your range is astounding.
You can play absolutely anything.
Right, let me think
of something challenging.
Could you give me…
Ah! A talking mushroom.
I’m a fun guy.
And just like that,
I believe that you are a fungi.
You are quite a talent.
One final acting challenge for you.
Can you give me a man who is
completely unaware of the concept
of irony? It’s like, when you watch
The X Factor, people go on,
they can’t sing.
But they don’t know they can’t sing.
Right? So, you get those
similar sort of people in business.
And he’s done it!
What a performance!
You may as well just take
this Emmy now. There you go.
Camilla, before we begin, I wanted
to run one of my ideas past you.
Check this out. It’s called
Matt’s No Naughties Nut Juice.
It’s a kind of nut milk.
What are you on the show for?
My business plan is
No Naughties Nut Juice,
which is nut milk.
Ah. Little bit awkward.
But I’m sure that the two of us
can come to some sort of
mutually beneficial arrangement.
I will bite you if you annoy me
or try and steal one of my ideas
and pass them off as your own.
Seems fair.
Rick, what’s your strategy?
I think to win people over
and keep them on my side.
I will try and be a wolf…
A wolf… A wolf in
sheep’s clothing.
Keep everyone happy,
keep them on my side,
but when I need to I’ll just
come out and steal everything
from behind them.
Yeah, I think the first rule of
being a wolf in sheep’s clothing
is not telling people you’re
a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Next!
Jackie, tell me about yourself.
I am incredibly tight.
Oh, yeah, me too.
In fact, we should share some of our
money-saving tips with each other.
We’ll only eat dinners where
there are vouchers included.
That’s a good one. How about this –
sometimes instead of paying
for an expensive blow-dry,
I just stick my entire head
in a Dyson Airblade.
I re-use zip-lock bags.
Well, sometimes I put shoes on
my knees to get children’s prices
at the cinema.
I re-use the saline
in my contact solution,
which is also really bad for you!
I only drink rainwater!
I’m pretty thrifty.
I know for a fact that I’m the
best person possible for Lord Sugar.
Oh, that’s a shame, because
the application clearly stated
that you had to be 18 or over
to take part.
Anyway,
how do you know that for a fact?
I know that for a fact
because I’m Alex Finn
and no-one else has been Alex Finn
before on The Apprentice,
or in the whole world.
Hang on. Just checking Facebook.
Yeah, there are 55 other Alex Finns.
I’m going to need more from you.
There’s pretty much nothing
I wouldn’t do to get to the top.
OK, would you run in high heels
on a treadmill whilst holding
some jelly and making sure that
none of it wobbled off the plate?
I think I’d be able
to hold it pretty steady.
OK. Could you walk past a Labrador
and not stroke it?
Definitely.
OK. And would you lie in a
barefaced manner to get to the top?
For example, if I asked you
to describe me, you’d say I was?
Good looking.
Wow.
I’m a complete
12 out of 10 for schmoozing.
I can honestly dig my way
into anywhere, please anyone.
Ah, well, I know exactly
how you can please me.
Go away.
So, there you go,
what a lovely bunch.
If you would like to see the full,
unedited version of those interviews
they are available on
The Apprentice website.
And, of course,
don’t forget to watch The Apprentice
when it returns to BBC One.
All of the details
are beneath my fingertips.
Thank you for watching.
You’re a delightful human being.

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