Trump Sees a Doctor & Diplomats Dish on His Dirty Dealings in Ukraine | The Daily Show


We’re now just 350 days away from the 2020
presidential election, and as the big day approaches, people are scrutinizing the
frontrunners more than ever– their policies, how they eat fried food and, of course, their age. You realize, right now,
the four biggest contenders have a combined age
of 297 years old. Well, 299,
if you include Buttigieg. Now, while Bernie was recovering
from a heart attack and Biden was fighting
the narrative of memoly– memory loss,
Trump has been impervious to the age discussion,
because, despite his lifestyle, Trump has been
freakishly healthy, never needing
to even see a doctor. Until now. Questions are being raised
after an unconventional visit by President Trump
to Walter Reed Medical Center. The White House insists
it was for an annual physical, but it came less than a year
after the last one and did not follow protocol. REPORTER: The way in which this
visit took place was unusual. The White House
did not announce, uh, the president’s plans to go
to Walter Reed ahead of time. MAN 3: The White House says the
president is taking advantage of a free weekend
in Washington. Overnight,
President Trump also tweeting that this is just phase one
of his physical. He will continue it next year. Yes, this weekend, President
Trump made a surprise visit to the hospital
and nobody knows why. Was it a health emergency, or did he need to get a marble
removed from his nose again? We don’t know. And this story
became super suspicious when Trump tweeted
he just popped into the hospital to do phase one
of his annual physical. That’s-that’s not a thing. Like, that’s not a thing. Nobody breaks their annual
physical into phases. That’s not a thing. You’re not, like, “Yeah, today
we can just cut the balls, and then in March,
I’ll come back and cough.” (laughter) Now, because no one trusts
this White House, everyone is wildly speculating
about what actually happened. Did Trump have a heart problem
or a stroke? And if he did have a stroke, how
would you even be able to tell? -(laughter)
-Yeah. No, because the symptoms
of a stroke are slurred speech, confusion and erratic behavior. For Trump, that’s a Tuesday. We wouldn’t know. (cheers and applause) In fact… In fact, if Trump ever starts
speaking normally, that’s when
Melania should call 911. Gonna be like,
“Hello, ambulance? “Something is wrong
with my husband. “He just finished
a crossword puzzle. Please send help.” (laughter) And even if Trump is lying
about the physical, that doesn’t mean something
major is going on. Right? But we also know that if something was
horribly wrong with Trump, the White House
would just pretend like everything was normal. Like, Trump could come back
with both arms amputated, and his press secretary
would come out like, “Uh, this was just
a standard checkup. “The president’s arms
have always been brooms. He uses them
to clean up Washington, D.C.” (laughter) So look, I don’t know
what happened with Trump, but judging
by this weekend’s news, it wouldn’t be surprising
if he had a panic attack, because during the
impeachment hearings last week, you may remember we learned
about a call at a restaurant between Trump and
EU Ambassador Gordon Sondland. Well, now, a diplomat
who overheard that call is spilling all the beans
to Congress. BRIAN WILLIAMS:
NBC News obtained a copy of David Holmes’
opening statement. Here’s part of what he said. “While Ambassador Sondland’s
phone was not on speakerphone, “I could hear
the president’s voice “through the ear piece
of the phone. “I then heard
President Trump ask, “‘So, he’s going gonna do
the investigation?’ “Ambassador Sondland replied
that, ‘He’s gonna do it,’ “adding
that President Zelensky will do “‘anything you ask him to.’ “The president’s voice
was very loud and recognizable, “and Ambassador Sondland held
the phone away from his ear for a period of time.” -(laughter)
-Yeah, that’s right. David Holmes testified
to Congress that he overheard a call where Trump explicitly asked
for Ukraine to dig up dirt on Joe Biden. And the diplomat overheard
this conversation not because Trump was
on a speakerphone, but because Trump is
a human speakerphone. (laughter) He’s like, “I’m calling
about the criminal conspiracy! “You know what?
I can’t hear you. Let’s switch to speaker.” (yelling): “I’m calling
about the criminal conspiracy.” So Trump talking investigations on the call with Sondland
looks pretty bad. What’s even worse is that after
the call– and this is crazy– after the call, Sondland recaps
what just happened for everyone at the table,
like an episode of White House Talking Dead. WILLIAMS:
“Ambassador Sondland agreed “that the president did not give
a (bleep) about Ukraine. “I asked why not,
and Ambassador Sondland stated “that the president only cares
about big stuff. “I noted there was big stuff
going on in Ukraine, “like a war with Russia,
and Ambassador Sondland replied “that he meant big stuff
that benefits the president, like the Biden investigation
that Mr. Giuliani was pushing.” -(audience groaning)
-Seriously? He gets off the call
and then lays out the plan for everyone at the table?
Was he trying to get busted? Like, what did he do next?
Just jump into a plane and write “Trump wants dirt on Joe Biden”
in the sky? So, there are a lot of damning
details in this testimony, but my favorite part…
my favorite part was when Sondland talked
about just how much the president of Ukraine
was willing to help Trump. BRIAN WILLIAMS:
“I heard President Trump “then clarify Ambassador
Sondland was in Ukraine. “Ambassador Sondland replied,
yes, he was in Ukraine, “and went on to state, ‘President Zelensky
loves your ass.'” Oh, okay. Zelensky loves Trump’s ass.
(laughs) A few days ago,
Fox News was saying impeachment wasn’t sexy enough. Now we got ass play.
(hisses) (laughter) So with this new information, Wednesday’s public hearing
with Gordon Sondland is bound to be amazing, because you know they’re gonna have to ask him
about this in the hearings. Gonna be like, uh, “Mr. Sondland does Zelensky really love
Trump’s ass?” Be like, uh, “That’s correct. He likes big butts,
and I cannot lie to Congress.” But you know what,
this all makes sense now. Yeah, we all thought
Trump’s leverage over Ukraine was military aid. -Turns out it’s dat ass.
-(laughter) Yeah, so maybe Trump didn’t go
to hospital because he was sick. Maybe he was just getting
some cosmetic surgery that would convince Zelensky to give him that dirt
on Joe Biden.

53 comments

  1. The guy who gave him a great health report is going to be in big trouble when #presidentpussyassbitch dropped dead.

    The IMPEACHMENT hearing is getting to lard ass #presidentpussyassbitch

  2. WE ASKED WHERE THE MONEY WENT IN PEURTO RICO. NOW WE AS WHERE THE MONEY IS GOING IN UKRAINE. YOU MOFOS DO NOT GET IT YET ASSHOLES

  3. Of course.. the White House has medical facility in-house. They can take blood, stool and urine samples, X-rays etc.. he didn't need to go to Walter Reed. He didn't have a free weekend.. when he has ANY weekend, he plays golf.. And noone from the press has seen him since Saturday..

  4. Oh shut up and eat Trump’s orange crusty old rotten ass Noah!
    Funny Fraud paid to keep you busy laughing like dumb Humes.

  5. I am totally reminded of that scene in "Analyze This" where Danny Devito is like "I don't panic!" . Also, hilarious that Trump's loud mouth is finally getting him into real trouble… 😂

  6. I think it's just another one of Trumps scam in order to gain sympathy from the American people.  Trump cares about no one and nothing other than himself.

  7. Y’all are sick. Seriously need some psychiatric help. Shall we remind you again that the Russia collusion , obstruction etc etc Mueller time was exposed as a hoax?

  8. ernie sanders is the best candidate , if Biden or warren is the nominee, Trump will win again Bernie Sanders is the only politician who is honest who has been fighting for the working class his whole 30 year career never does favors for the companies that give campaign contributions like Biden or the rest, because Bernie doesn't take money from the rich or corporation he only gets money from the people so he is only held accountable to the people not like the rest of democrats who have to answer to the corporations and the billionaires that give them money for favors once they win like the Clintons did please every one open ur eyes we could have everything we deserve as a country we dont need to settle for lesser evil we could have a great country with bernie sanders even with his heart problem he is still fighting strong while Joe Biden is losing his mind cant eeven rember his name Bernie Sanders is the best canidate he is the president we deserve a man for the people by the people

  9. Ok, I don’t like trump, but the info here just sounds like just people are grasping at straws.. end of the day, if you don’t have something concrete-it’s just hype…

  10. dems as usual putting thier dirt on media. and the further the impeachment inquiry goes we keep seeing how dems are the dirty ones.

  11. This is crap. Constant garbage. Total negative bs….an idiot talking to a batch of idiots. Never ending stuoidity. Po me anti society trash.

  12. He's preparing his excuse for either leaving the White House. Or trying to gain sympathy as the impeachment hearings get more tragic for him. Cue I having a heart attack. Pray for me chorus.

  13. I wish We could get Jon Stewarts opinion on this stuff in one of the upcoming videos. Kind of miss him. But I still do love trevor noah.

  14. Yesterday's impeachment hearings had two key witnesses, Tim Morrison (former senior director for European Affairs at the White House and the National Security Council (“N.S.C.”) and Lt.Col.Vindman's superior at the time) and Lt.Col.Vindman himself.

    In his opening statement Mr Morrison states, and I quote, "As I stated during my deposition, I feared at the time of the call on July 25 how its disclosure would play in Washington’s political climate. My fears have been realized."

    A little later on, the legal counsel for the democrats asks Lt.Col.Vindman the following:-

    Democrat Counsel: "After this call, did you ever hear from any Ukranians either in the United States or the Ukraine about any pressure that they felt to do these investigations that president Trump demanded?"

    Lt.Col.Vindman: "Not that I can recall."

    So far no witness called by the democrats have alleged any bribery. I'm still trying to find the impeachable offense here.

  15. There is a phase 1 to the annual physical. It certainly IS a thing. But you do it yourself on the computer or his aides can do it for him.

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