Unlikely lines from a cosmetics commercial | Mock The Week – BBC

Unlikely lines from a costume drama. Madam, I’m in line to the throne and, as such, we shall be dining
somewhere that befits my title. Pizza Express, Woking! BUZZER Ah, Batman! I mean, I suppose
technically it’s a costume. BUZZER Heathcliff, Heathcliff,
let me in, let me in! I just wondered if we could count
on your vote on December 12th? BUZZER Generally, I am a footman, sir. Although I do also like
the bottom and the breasts. BUZZER Just reading this review
from the Anne Boleyn musical. It says, “It was a good idea,
but I didn’t like the execution.” Lord Windermere is famed
for his opulent balls. I’ve heard he wet-shaves them. BUZZER LABOURED SCOTTISH ACCENT: Aye,
ya can take our land! Ya can take our lives! But ya cannae do our accent! LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE BUZZER You are Jane Eyre. So this must be your brother, Nike. BUZZER That new servant girl
is so cold and unresponsive. Watch this. Alexa? Alexa? Your Lordship,
I am delighted and excited by the unexpected turn
our correspondence has taken. I await with feverish excitement the next portrait
of your engorged penis. Please accept
this crude sketch of my boobs… ..as a token of my affection. BUZZER My heart is in my mouth. My liver is in my anus. Jesus, this corset is tight! Carson, please get
your hand out of my trousers. When I told you to go below stairs,
it wasn’t a euphemism. BUZZER My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius. So, yeah, that’s Mike, Alpha,
X-ray, India, Mike… BUZZER As the ruler of this country,
I demand some respect. When you see me, you will bow and you will say “Yas…queen!” BUZZER Mr Darcy, I could never belong
to you, I’m promised to another. But I could give you
a quick handy behind the bushes. BUZZER


  1. “I’m on the British diving team and I moisturise daily”
    1) is that because he jumps into the pool and gets wet OR
    2) he’s moisturising Tom Daly?

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